I used to have a recurring dream where I had to save my family from a flood. In the dream, I look out the window and see a tidal wave forming; in the time it takes to check if anyone else sees it, the water is already at the window and rising fast. We search for higher ground and end up on the roof. I spot a towering hill with one tree on it that we have to swim over and between buildings to get to. Sometimes we have my dog. Sometimes my grandparents are with us. Always my mom. My dad and siblings have appeared only once. Sometimes someone gets caught between collapsing buildings or is too tired to keep swimming and drowns. Twice we have made it safely to the hill, soaked, exhausted and whole. In the dream I am always the first person to see the water coming and the only person who can lead us to dry land.
The play I am in, before the flood, opens in six days. As the title hints, the play takes place in the seven days God has allotted Noah and his family to build the ark that will carry them and select animals to safety before the flood extinguishes all life on Earth. Unlike in my dream, in the play I am not trying to save my family, but everyone else that will get left behind. We are too in the middle of the process for me to adequately reflect. It is the first show I am doing in New York and the first character I really feel I am originating—with so many little shadowy grottos of myself finding light through Yam’s eyes. What I will say is that I have started to dream about water again, but nothing so dire it used to be.
I’ve spent most of my life convinced that I couldn’t float. I don’t know if the problem was psychological or physiological but at some point, I just accepted that I would never be able to rest in water. For that reason, I have never deluded myself about exactly how strong of a swimmer I am—no attempting to get to the other side of the lake, no going “just a little farther out,” no extended games in the deep end of the pool—that is until this summer. When I was in Italy, we went to a beach to cliff jump. You had to swim a little to get to the cliffs and then tread water in the makeshift line of future jumpers bobbing at the base of the rocks. After I jumped (which was amazing we should all be doing that all the time), I waited in the water for my friend, shouting encouragement as I pumped my arms and legs below the surface. When they finally joined me, they suggested we swim to a cave nearby where the light made the water glow. It was beautiful, the water seemingly lit from below creating an opalescent blue that I had never seen before, but upon exiting the cave I got that lead feeling in my body, like I could go completely still and drop to the bottom of the ocean in an instant. We did not have far to swim back to shore, but I started to panic—what if I didn’t make it and drowned in this relatively small beach next to a bunch of children and elderly people. Buoyed by the thought of such an embarrassing demise, I turned on my back and, to my delight, floated with ease.
I was once told that water dreams are about feeling a loss of control. Water is a force, brutal and crushing, but not one that you can successfully fight. You can’t physically oppose it, it’s immovable. When you swim or tread you are just biding your time, hopefully you make it to dry land before your body gives out, but often survival takes surrender, you have to float and let the current carry you. If I weren’t exhausted, I would unpack that as a stunning metaphor about how I have relinquished the illusion of control and find myself completely in the flow of the universe these days, but for the time being let’s just take it at face value. This Sunday I think I will go to the beach. I plan on running lines and putting my new skill to use.
Mia, this was a great article. When I have recurring dreams I'm always running, usually because it's around recital time and I'm late. I run until I can't hardly breath, then I wake up. I usually don't remember my dreams, but this one was so real, and it always came up around recital time. Let me know how the show goes. When we met in NY you were so excited about it. Have a great day and keep the Title Card coming. Love Ya!!