You guys, August is so messed up.
I have made my (now annual?) pilgrimage to Canada. I have sat in the park drinking and laughing and listening to the radio. Summer storms have rolled through, cooling the days, waking me at night. All of these things are lovely, I wish I could write more about them. Instead I can only write about how the days are too long. I am neither motivated nor unmotivated, but some decadent third thing…dropping easily into naps, eating blueberries by the carton, mid-morning baths, hours-long phone conversations. Time in August is not slippery at all rather gorged, overfed, bloated and beached like a rotting whale.
At the end of July I finally finished a notebook. Two actually. I usually have three circulating at a time: newsletter and creative fiction, acting things and journal, to-do lists and work. What separates them can often appear completely arbitrary or even counterintuitive. For example, everything for this newsletter which is totally comprised of what I’m doing and how I feel about it goes in the moleskin; completely separate from the journal. Pages of reflection may never see the light of day and yet still are not considered journal entries—which over three years I think I only had about 6—the pattern-turned-rule is that the journal entries are protected text. Everything drafted for the newsletter can be revisited, reshaped, and exported. The journal will not be used as material no matter how removed I am from its context. In practice this means every journal entry is about love, a segregated and private thought stream.
I’ve given myself an hour to finish writing this before I get on a plane for my first bachelorette weekend. My time is up and I’ve gotten very little down. I finished two notebooks and started two fresh ones that look almost identical to the old ones. This month I will not spend one week in one location. In two weeks hopefully I will have even one substantial thought to share. For now, I’ve packed five bathing suits for four days and I am going to try to avoid alcohol poisoning.
xx
Mia